Q: With the school year just beginning, what can we do as parents to help make this a successful year for our teenager and our family? Are there any specific things we can do? A: Great question. Fortunately there are many things you can do to make this a successful school year, not just for your teen, but for the whole family as well. In general, the first thing to keep in mind is that parents and teens have a very different notion about the purpose of school. Heres how I believe it works: For parents, the perception is that we work all day, the kids dont. School is their job. Therefore, they should get good grades, just as we want to do well on our jobs. The teenagers perception is quite different, however. In their view, school is rarely more than their social world, interrupted by six or seven classes a day. Having said that, here's a list of the top eight things you as a parent can do to make this a successful school year. 1) Create an environment at home that models a love of learning. How often have your children seen you reading? Heard you talking about something you have learned? Discussed ideas and issues with them? While these are things to have started from day one with your child, you can still implement them in your home now. 2) In whatever way works for you, make sure your teen knows that while grades are vitally important, they are more important to you than their grades. That's the number one thing I hear from kids when I ask them what gets in the way of talking about school with their parents. 3) This one is so simple yet so profound. Ask them their opinion on important issues of the day. You may surprised to find out what kind of brain they have in there. 4) Make sure there is nothing blocking your teenager from learning. One example of a block to learning could be a learning or information processing disorder, or something like Attention Deficit Disorder. Many teenagers I work with that have difficulty with school have undiagnosed ADD or ADHD. Another block to learning can be the use of alcohol and drugs. Part of the process of drug abuse is that kids begin to lose interest in things that were once very important to them. If they are drunk or high in school, not only do they not want to learn, they can't. 5) Know the names and philosophies of the following people who influence your child's life: the principal, assistant principles, the guidance counselor, and most especially the teachers. 6) Take a walk through their school one day. By all means, don't let them see you. The reason I suggest this is parents need to understand at an experiential level that the school world their kids go to each day is nothing like the school world we knew. Not even close. Even if it's the same school. Just too much has changed. 7) If discussion about grades has become a battleground during a particular time of day, declare that time "off limits" to grade talk, unless the teen brings it up. For some families that time is the care ride home, or right after school. For many it's the dinner table. Many families have reported better digestion after declaring dinner time off limits to grade talk. 8) Once you have done all this, simply put them in charge of school. What I mean by this is make them responsible for their performance at school. This may be particularly difficult, because this can be one of those situations where things may get worse before they get better. This is especially true if you have been pushing and pushing the last few years. There may be a drop off in performance as they learn how to be in charge of themselves with school. Wanting your children to excel in school is a good and natural thing. There comes a time when the ball is simply in their court, and it's up to them. I think the most important thing for parents to remember is that school eventually needs to become more important to them than it is to you. |
