In our culture heavily influenced by a sense of entitlement, many people have confused the pursuit of happiness with the guarantee of happiness.

We are not guaranteed happiness

The pursuit of happiness does not guarantee happiness. This basic misunderstanding is one of the sources of the raging sense of entitlement I see in so many people.

Our culture teaches you if you are not happy, then there must e someone to blame, perhaps someone to sue.

The pop psychology of the 80s and 90s also contributed to this mess. During this time period, everyone became an Adult Child of Something. This was quickly misused to mean that since such and such happened to me, I'm a victim, it's not my fault, and I deserve compensation in the form of happiness.

Makes me nauseous.

There is a postcard somewhere in my office that shows a large convention room with a large banned stated "Meeting of Adult Children of Normal Parents." There are only two people in the audience.

The point is that all of us has a history, with some good stuff and not so good stuff.

When I see a client getting caught up in their definition of themselves as a victim, let's say a 29 year old adult child of abusive parents, my question becomes "So what does a 29 year old adult child of abusive parents do now?"

Happiness is not owed to us. We do get to pursue it however. And that's enough for me.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com